His Perspective- Bill’s First Visit to the Gynecologist

I fainted at my first time at the gynecologist… almost….

You can do this:  Hold your breath for 45 seconds and time it..

Breathe…breathe…breathe… Seriously just relax.  Oh my god, it’s 90 degrees in this tiny little room.  Right next to my head on the wall is a poster of the female anatomy.  And on the shelf is the anatomy model that comes apart.  And they want to give her an ultrasound where?

Help.  Help. ……….

I have never fainted in my life but the closest I ever came was my first time to the gynecologist.  Just breathe.

Most guys first trip to the gynecologist or the OB is with their partner when they are several weeks pregnant.  For us it was to try and figure out what exactly was wrong and hopefully how we were going to solve it.   Was I infertile?  Was my wife?  Was something even worse causing this?

While I wear my heart on my sleeve and can tear up quickly over truly sad stuff, I like to think I am in control and well prepared or at least can adapt quickly.  Well, this was definitely a new experience.  Unless you are in the medical profession, as a guy, this experience and what it involves would probably take you by surprise.  I was sort of taking the whole IVF thing in stride and even a little excited because it was all new and we were moving forward.  Waiting without answers is the worst, or I should say having a sad and stressed out wife waiting without answers is the worst.  If you have ever cared about anyone then you understand that knowing someone you love is hurting about something is usually worse than hurting about it yourself.

Anyway, going to the gynecologist was the wake up call that I needed; I was totally out of my element and this was going to be a “journey”.

First I had to learn how to behave in this kind of setting.  It’s not like I am a 5 year old but I can certainly act like one sometimes when bored, confused, or happy.  In this case, I was reading magazines, playing on my phone, and not paying attention to my wife.  This is the wrong approach at the doctor’s office or for that matter anywhere with your wife.  It took a while but I finally learned that during the whole IVF process I need to engage with my wife and the doctors – talk about feelings, listen, and ask questions.  Sort of mushy but it takes a little work and after all this is my (our) life so I should probably really get involved.  This has led to some silly questions for the doctors, just to participate type questions, that probably got me in as much trouble as just shutting up but, oh well, I tried.   I think at this point, 4 years later, I have gotten pretty good at engaging in the process but my wife still runs the show, knows all the details, calendars, the right questions to ask, etc.

This visit to the gynecologist was the first uncomfortable part of this journey.  It was about to get much more scary, sad, awkward, uncomfortable, expensive, and dangerous.  Don’t worry though because you already know there is joyous success along the way to where we are now.