The official results are in. My HCG level today was less than one and this cycle is done.
I couldn’t help feeling relieved. Since I learned the results on Tuesday I have tried to be hopeful but couldn’t shake the feeling of being terrified that the low number was going to double, and double, and double again only to turn into another miscarriage in several weeks. The odds were against our having a miracle, so the next best thing was to have this over quickly.
Ahhhh…Next best things…
Any failed IVF cycle has its silver linings. Or as I prefer to call them, our Consolation Prizes.
We didn’t win the jackpot this time BUT we did win a fabulous No-Expense-Paid Trip For Two (or Three) to New York City!!!
Okay, New Jersey really, but close enough right?
We already have a consultation with our prospective new clinic and its a hop, skip and a jump away from the Big Apple. This time instead of snowboarding perhaps we can catch a show and visit friends in the area. We meet with our new doctor over video chat on May 27th. We will keep our regroup with Home Clinic scheduled because we love them, want their ideas, and may end up doing donor eggs there someday. No reason to burn bridges.
Our prospective new doctor has a good reputation and his family was conceived via IVF. Its the reason he chose the Reproductive Endocrinology path. Hopefully it will equate to a better patient experience than Celebrity Miracle Clinic. The new clinic is also priced ever so slightly below Celebrity Miracle Clinic. And we can reasonably drive there and save some coin, which is good because we will be digging deep into our empty pockets for this one.
But enough about the fertility stuff. The REAL consolation prizes are a lot simpler like…
- A delicious glass of red wine in our hot tub on a perfect cool rainy night
- A romantic evening with Bill sometime soon, rather than another 6 weeks or so away
- A long slow run this weekend
- A good cry somewhere along the way
- Some time off from hormones, monitoring, poking, prodding, bloating, and worrying
- Picking my amazing daughter up without wondering if its going to cause me to lose her sibling
- Another delicious glass of wine
Of course I would rather be basking in the glow of pregnancy, but I develop a nice pink color after a glass of wine or two in the hot tub too.
Thanks everyone for your prayers and support. We are handling it much better this time than last. After nine transfers and only one child we are not bullet proof, but this aging skin is definitely getting a little bit thicker.
Laughter Through Tears 
I am so sorry. ❤
Me too…Thank you.
So sorry. Bfns suck so much….be kind to yourself.
Thank you… I will. Feeling like a little compassion for myself and hubby is definitely what we need.
Damn it. I’m so sorry. Glad you are giving yourself compassion (and wine!) and finding the consolation in the loss. Sending you all the hope and peace and love I can.
Thank you… I’ll take all the love, peace, and hope I can get.
Thinking of you… Enjoy your wine. Hugs from your buffalo friend!
🙂 buffalo is close to New Jersey right?
Shit.
You amaze me at your ability to stay positive.
I have my moments. I just usually choose not to write during one. Lol
I am so sorry sugars! Enjoy that run and nice soak in the tub.
Thanks Elisha. I did!
Wow, I want to smote whoever is in charge around here. I was really hoping this would be success for you guys. I’m sorry it wasn’t but I really get the relief about it not being a protracted ending. And I am glad you can see some consolation prizes (did you miss the Calgon bath? I guess it takes second place to a hot tub with Bill and wine). So glad you have Spork (who is most definitely not a consolation prize but a prize in her own right). Sending a big hug in case you might want one, if not now maybe during that long slow run or the tears that may accompany it.
Thank you! You are very sweet. Calgon is a great idea. In fact perhaps I’ll start today with a bath instead of a shower.
I’m so sorry this whole journey sucks so bad. It’s a whole lot of heartache to get the reward x
And totally worth it when you do… Promise!
I don’t know if I can keep doing this again for #2. I am a mess already. Lost it completely on Friday. I just wish it wasn’t so damn hard.
I know, I have my moments like that for sure but then she helps me through and reminds me why I don’t want to give up. I will eventually reach my limits though. It’s hard.
Rubbish! 😦 hugs to you. Love how you are able to find the consolations. It can be hard to see them sometimes. You did make me smile when you mentioned being able to pick up your daughter without worrying about the damage you might do. I am so conscious of how i move and what I do in the TWW. I’m sure we don’t need to be, but every little thing could help, right? X
That’s right… Worry, worry, worry. But the reality is that there is very little at that early stage you could do to cause it not to work. A nurse told me once that the embryo is like a grain of sand in the middle of a PB&J sandwich… It’s not going anywhere!
Oh OK! Well that’s good to know. I always seem to be called in the middle of the night to help her go back to sleep during the TWW and it usually means a few feet,elbows etc in the abdomen as I lie with her!
I’m very sorry for your result 😦
Thank you
I’m so sorry this cycle didn’t work out. : /
(Would you mind sending me your email so we could discuss the Vivelle.)
Of course! Not sure how I do that but I’ll figure it out over the weekend. Thank you!
Okay, sounds good (idk either. Lol) & also we would love to just be able to give a helping hand to anybody going through this super tough process so we are willing to send the patches for free. 🙂
You are both ANGELS 🙂 Thank you… Hold em for me please I’m definitely in!
🙂 We will hang on to them! No worries.
I’m so very sorry and so very glad that you are taking good care of yourself. xoxo
Thanks so much
I’m so so very sorry. I’ve been thinking about you and hoping you’d received good results… I really have to words… You are an incredibly strong woman, and I’m learning determination is sometimes all it takes. Praying for you.
Thanks Stefanie