Back in January, in one of my very first posts, I wrote about being a Rebel in a Bathtub, describing all the taboo ways I exercise my freedom after a failed cycle. Shortly after writing that post I began to feel old and desperate, overwhelmed by the sound of a ticking clock in my brain, and I decided it would be wise to start following the rules again, which I have pretty much stuck to the last few months. I haven’t exactly been a t-totaller, but I have limited my alcohol, eaten healthy, moderated exercise, and popped hundreds of supplements. I had only three glasses of wine when I learned of Blob’s demise and only 9 total over the course of two months preparing for our last failed cycle.
All that effort at purity and perfection came to a halt last night when I accidentally had way to much to drink which also led to other choices that are not too great for my upcoming cycle like eating gluten. Actually, I didn’t just eat gluten, that would be understating it. Rather, I had gluten with a side of gluten and a little gluten sprinkled on top for good measure. There is more that I did and shouldn’t have, but not that I can put in writing for the fear of losing my low insurance rates.
Today I awoke in a haze and when the memories came rushing back I instantly began hating myself and my youngest sister for the influence that inspired my bad choices. I belly ached to my husband, sharing my self loathing, and also posted to my favorite fertility board about my transgressions. My IVF pals and husband all said the same thing, one night of bad choices is not going to lead to a failed cycle and it might even be good for me. I am human after all and loads of women get pregnant every day in much worse condition.
They are probably right. At least that is what I am choosing to believe. Besides, I can’t change it and its not as if stressing about whether I have destroyed good eggs is going to help me get pregnant. Better to move on and use my guilt for something good, like a run.
While I was punishing myself and trying to eliminate toxins on that run this morning, it occurred to me how ironic life is. There was a time many years ago that bad choices while under the influence might have led to, gasp, a pregnancy that we didn’t plan and didn’t want yet. Fast forward a decade and here I am hoping that the bad choices, which really weren’t all that bad, will keep me from getting pregnant.
Very funny life. Very funny.
And here is another really funny thing about life. It has a way of moving at the speed of light when you want to savor it, but gets stuck in molasses when you are looking forward to something. Tomorrow we meet with our new fertility doctor over Skype and it seems like time has come to a stand-still as I anxiously await his counsel. This is the first time I have ever experienced anxiety about a meeting because we have reached the point with my age and history that being turned down by a clinic is a real possibility. Bill thinks I am crazy, and that just like Celebrity Miracle clinic they will gladly take our money especially given the fact that we still produce so many eggs and conjured up three genetically normal embryos in our cycle late last year. Still after five fresh IVFs and 9 transfers they may advise us to move on to donor eggs. We will find out tomorrow, if tomorrow ever comes.
Image by rubyblossom via Flickr
Meanwhile, my daughter is far too rapidly making the transition from toddler to little girl. Today when I put her down for a nap she did not want to say “good night” to the owls painted on her bedroom door, our routine since she was born. She also did not want to give me “one more kiss and one more hug” like she always asks after I rub her back and sing her one song. She has become a master procrastinator and manipulator at nap time which only further demonstrates how un-baby-like she is. We couldn’t possibly be having any more fun but the arms on the clock measuring our time with her are whizzing around and around leaving memories of my baby in a beautiful but painful blur.
Very funny life. Very funny.
*I finally picked back up on reading the book “Writing Tools” and posting samples of my work on the Writing Tools page. Hence the extraordinarily long second sentence in this post. It has proven very difficult to keep up my work on writing skills while in the midst of IVF but now that we have entered a waiting period I hope to be able to work on it and add posts on most weekends.
Congratulations! You passed your final exam in IVF 101 and now are ready to get into the details of the IVF process in IVF 102.
In IVF 101 we described all the players in the IVF game. The first and one of the most important members of your baby dream team is your Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). His title alone should give you a bit of insight into what all this In Vitro business is all about. Note that your RE is not called “Chief Baby Maker In Charge.” He does not hold a specialized degree in “Getting People Knocked Up”.
Sure, the emphasis of his training is to figure out how to get you pregnant, but the job title alone is an indication that what he really does is try to get your endocrine system and all its hormones working together to set the stage for pregnancy. Your RE is essentially an endocrine system manipulator and he has a variety of ways to adjust your hormones and help you make a baby.
It is impossible to describe all the different ways he can do this in one simple post. Because each of us is unique, the plan your doctor will give you is tailored to your needs. I can’t possibly speak to your individual situation. However I can give you an overview of the basics of the stages involved in IVF.
Step One- The Human Pin Cushion
Think all your needle woes begin when you start taking your IVF medication? Think again. When you sign up for IVF you and your partner will go through a ridiculous amount of diagnostic testing. Even if you completed many tests with your OB/GYN before moving on up to the big time, you will likely do it again. For the mommy wannabe, the clinic will test various hormone levels to make sure they are in the proper range. Tests will also be done on the thyroid to ensure its functioning properly. The RE could decide to run a number of other labs to rule out the possibility of autoimmune issues, although this was not done for me until we had a couple of failed cycles on the books.
Image by Phillipa Willitts via Flickr
Some tests like the sonohysterogram or hysteroscopy don’t involve needles but still totally violate you and remove any remaining modesty you had prior to turning to IVF. These tests involve checking your uterine cavity and fallopian tubes to look for potential clues as to why embryos aren’t implanting for you.
Your spouse, partner or sperm donor will also provide a sperm sample to inspect that his part of the equation is doing its part.
Image by Gerda via Flickr
All involved parties will be tested for communicable diseases prior to beginning the first cycle. If you have experienced multiple IVF failures or miscarriages, or if one of you has a family history of genetic disorders, you may also receive karyotyping (genetic testing) to rule out problems based on how you and your partner’s genetic codes match up.
Finally, the RE will perform a mock embryo transfer in order to take note of the layout of the mama-to-be’s anatomy and measure exactly where an embryo should be placed at the actual transfer. A smooth transfer is a strong indicator of pregnancy and live birth rates. It’s better for the embryos and implantation if the RE has a road map with a path planned out before the embryos come back to you.
Step Two- Turn Out the Lights, The Party is About to Begin.
So you made it to step two? That’s something to celebrate because step one can throw some nasty curve balls capable of making Nolan Ryan’s jaw drop.
Once you are cleared for take-off the RE may find a way to shut down your natural hormones so he can take over and manipulate your cycle. That is if you are doing an agonist protocol.
Here is where things get hairy and the approach diverges based on the patient and clinic. There are two types of basic protocols. In an agonist protocol your doctor will shut down your pituitary gland or “down regulate” your hormones using a drug called lupron for 10 to 15 days prior to starting stimulation meds. For this reason, this protocol is often called a long lupron protocol. As the name suggests, this protocol takes a bit longer than the other protocols.
The other type of protocol is an antagonist protocol. It’s a much shorter process since there is no down regulation prior to starting stimulation medications. Instead, your doctor will protect against premature ovulation and control the speed of your response to stimulation meds using one of two antagonist medications on the market, Ganirelex or Cetrotide. They are the same thing produced under different brand names. These medications will be started on day four to day seven of stimulation.
In any protocol, the RE will often have some control over your cycle by placing you on birth control prior to the start of your cycle month. Not all clinics use birth control pills but most do these days to help bring a little bit of predictability to an otherwise unpredictable process.
Yes, it is ironic. If I had all the money I paid for birth control when I didn’t know I didn’t really need it I could almost pay for a full IVF cycle. Almost. But here we are taking birth control again in an attempt to get pregnant.
Go figure.
Lupron, Ganirelex, and Cetrotide are all subcutaneous injections (tiny thin needle injected into soft tissue). This means less pain at administration. Yay!
Step Three- Fueling the Baby Making Machine.
Sometime in the first few days of your menstrual cycle you will begin taking the most important and priciest of hormones in IVF, follicle stimulating hormone (FSH). The three main gonadotropin brands are Follistim, Gonal-F and Bravelle. Once again, they are essentially the same and marketed under different names.
Your treatment may include some form of Menotropin (hMG) instead of a gonadotropin or in combination with it. Menotropins contain both FSH and leutenizing hormone (LH) extracted from the urine of menopausal women. Not only is this gross, but it does make one wonder, “Who are these women and what do they get paid for this?”
Image by Angie via Flicke Apparently their urine is also pretty creative
Menopausal women have a lot of FSH in their urine because the hormone is no longer being used by their follicles and therefore passes right through their system. The difference between gonadotropins and menotropins is that the latter also contain (LH) which is found in Lupron and used to either suppress or start ovulation depending on the amount and timing.
Menotropins were the earliest form of stimulation medications and existed before the FSH only drugs (also called recombinant FSH) were created. There are many brands of menotropins but the main ones are Menopur, Repronex, and Pergonal. The first IVF baby was created using Pergonal. Many studies have been done comparing pure gonadotropins to menotropins and live birth rates are the same. Your doctor may combine gonadotropins and menotropins for low responders, those of us that need a lot of FSH to scream at their ovaries.
In a natural cycle, the FSH hormones kick off the development of multiple follicles in the ovaries. Each follicle holds an egg and in the beginning of your menstrual cycle many follicles begin to expand and grow.
However once one follicle is large enough to begin producing an ample amount of estrogen (8 to 10 mm), the estrogen being produced by the follicles builds up and sends a signal that causes the body to decrease the FSH. The decrease in FSH has the effect of quieting the rest of the follicles and leaving only the one dominant follicle to continue to grow and mature. In the case of fraternal twins, two follicles continue to grow and release eggs.
Unlike a natural cycle, in an IVF cycle we add greater amounts of FSH and keep the level consistently high in order to “recruit” as many of these follicles as possible to grow and fully mature. This will give the infertile patient many eggs instead of the one that would typically be released naturally, allowing the couple many opportunities at a healthy baby from only one cycle month.
FSH essentially tells your ovaries “Hey, let’s grow some follicles!”. For some women, all they need is a whisper from FSH to get a response because receptors in their follicles are very reactive and “hear” the FSH well. Others need a lot of FSH to scream “HEY LET’S GROW SOME FLIPPIN’ FOLLICLES ALREADY!!!” at their ovaries in order to get things going.
Image by Danny via Flickr
This can cause the cost of drugs to vary a great deal and is also the reason you may find your RE will increase or decrease your meds after monitoring your blood work and ultrasounds. Making adjustments isn’t a good or bad thing, your doctor is conducting a symphony of hormones and feels like the sound needs to be adjusted to make the beautiful music of pregnancy.
Like the antagonists, all hormones used in this stage of the process are typically injected subcutaneously. Double yay!
The stimulation part of the process can take as few as six days to more than 20 in poor responders. However most women take stimulation medications for around 10 days. You will be monitored every two to three days to assess size of your ovaries, your follicles, estradiol levels, and also to guard against hyper stimulation which can be dangerous. Your RE will also be looking for a nice thick uterine lining with a clear triple layer pattern. Most clinics like to see the lining at at least 7mm prior to retrieval.
Once you have follicles measuring at least 18mm-20mm and your estrogen is in the right range, its time to trigger ovulation. At this stage you will also likely be visibly bloated, uncomfortable, and ready to have the follicles aspirated in order to get some relief.
Step Four- Grow the Heck Up and Get Out of Here Eggs!
In the last few days of stimulation, you may be monitored daily. This is because timing of the trigger shot it crucial. If you trigger too early, the eggs may not be mature. Too late, the eggs may degenerate. The trigger causes the final stage of maturation, meiosis of the egg.
Meiosis is a process where the egg divides its 46 chromosomes into 23 that will pair up with 23 from the sperm. Failure to divide properly is common and increases with age, which is why fertility declines and chromosomal abnormalities increase as a woman gets older. To put it simply, your eggs get “stickier” as they get older and don’t divide as efficiently, leaving extra or not enough chromosomes at the end of the division process. Most of these eggs will simply fail to fertilize or the embryos will arrest early in the development process. Some can implant and lead to miscarriage, and in rare instances abnormal embryos can grow to be a baby with Trisomy 18 or Downs Syndrome. So this stage is critical.
Without retrieval, ovulation would occur 38 to 42 hours from trigger. Your retrieval will be scheduled right around the 36 hour mark to allow your eggs to be as mature as possible before collection.
It is at this stage that 10 to 20% of cycles are cancelled, usually due to a small number of follicles and/or low estrogen levels. In extraordinarily rare instances a patient may ovulate prior to retrieval which would also cancel the cycle. Even though it is extraordinarily rare, you may be like me and totally freak out about possibly ovulating early for every waking second of those 36 hours. Don’t be like me. It is very unlikely you will ovulate.
Once upon a time there was only one way to trigger ovulation and that was with an intramuscular injection of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG). Today some clinics trigger with lupron or a combination of HCG and lupron. Typically lupron is used when estradiol levels are very high to decrease the risk of ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome (OHSS). There is some evidence that the HCG trigger is superior, but doctors are learning more and more every day about how to improve the effectiveness of the Lupron or combination HCG/Lupron trigger.
The HCG trigger shot is typically the first of your intramuscular injections (crazy long and thick needle injected into the upper outer quadrant of the buttocks). Ouch!
Image by Gerda via Flickr
Step Five- Your Own Personal Easter Egg Hunt
Now it is time for your RE to go in and get the eggs you have worked so hard to create. Generally, your partner or donor will provide his part of the equation right before or during retrieval so his little swimmers are ready once your eggs are retrieved. He will often be given the choice to collect at home or schedule an appointment to collect at the office.
Image by ntr23 via Flickr
Retrieval is the most invasive and difficult part of the process. You will be sedated during retrieval. Some doctors will put you all the way under, while others use twilight anesthesia. I have experienced both and prefer twilight anesthesia despite the fact there is still a fair amount of discomfort. Even though you are loopy under the anesthesia, its pretty nifty to experience the procedure. Plus at my clinic you hear the egg count as the embryologist reports it back to the doctor as retrieval is happening.
Who doesn’t love immediate gratification?
The RE retrieves the eggs by piercing the vaginal wall with a needle on the end of a special ultrasound probe. The doctor carefully inserts the needle into each follicle and drains the fluid, including the egg. This process takes anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes depending on the number of follicles. Your vitals will be monitored for at least an hour after surgery and you will need someone to drive you home. Because the meds stay in your system, you will need a full day off from work but can plan to return the next day. You will be uncomfortable for a day or two and can take acetaminophen to help with the pain.
Every follicle contains an egg or else it wouldn’t exist, however some women retrieve fewer eggs than the number of follicles seen on an ultrasound. These women are often told some follicles were “empty”. That is not the case. What really happened was the egg was simply not ready to come out of the follicle. The trigger not only starts meiosis, it also loosens the egg from the follicle wall. When this does not occur, it is impossible to remove the egg from the follicle. Even if it could be removed, this egg would not yield a healthy embyro. Timing of the trigger is one possible explanation for this, as well as general egg quality.
After retrieval you will begin taking a few other medications which vary based on patient and clinic, but you will definitely take an antibiotic of some sort and an anti-inflammatory. If you are doing a fresh transfer, you will also start progesterone supplementation on the day of retrieval to prepare your lining to receive your embryos in three to five days.
There are many ways to take progesterone including vaginal suppositories (both gel and tablet) as well as painful intramuscular injections. Many doctors prefer the injections until after pregnancy is established to avoid uterine contractions during the implantation period. Progesterone supplementation will continue until around 10 weeks when the placenta takes over its production.
Step 6- It’s Baby Making Time
Once the eggs are harvested they are swept away to the lab to be united with the sperm that has now been prepared for insemination or intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI). With insemination, sperm will be placed in a petri dish and left to their own devices to find and fertilize the egg. With ICSI the embryologist will pick one healthy looking sperm from the sample and inject it directly into the egg.
Image by Wellcome Images via Flickr
This process begins four to six hours after egg retrieval. The would-be embryos are placed in an incubator and assessed 16 hours later to determine if fertilization was successful. Successful fertilization is indicated by the presence of two pronuclei. Fertilized eggs will be placed in culture media that mimics the fluid found in the fallopian tubes, which is where your embryo would be at this stage if fertilized in a natural cycle.
You will know how many eggs you have right after retrieval, but you have to wait a whole day to find out how many of those eggs fertilized. A whole day!
Two days after fertilization the embryos will be briefly assessed to ensure they are dividing properly. If there are a number of embryos dividing properly, the embryologist may decide to allow the embryos to continue to grow to the blastocyst stage on day five or six. If only a few embryos are dividing properly, the embryologist may suggest a transfer on day three after retrieval. You will typically receive a report on day three even if you are transferring on day five.
Our Day Two Embryos From Spork’s Frozen Cycle
There is an ongoing debate about whether it is best to transfer embryos on day three or day five. Many doctors believe that embryos that don’t make it to blastocyst stage on day five or six in the lab would be unlikely to do so if transferred to the natural environment earlier. By allowing weak embryos to die off in the lab you increase the chances of the remaining embryos implanting. The opposing view argues that it is impossible to replicate the womb perfectly and that embryos are better off when they return to the natural environment as soon as viability can be determined.
If your embryo is transferred on Day 5 or 6, it will be placed in new culture media that replicates the uterus, which would be its environment three days past ovulation in a natural cycle. A blastocyst will contain 80 to 100 cells and has a clear inner cell mass (ICM) and trophectoderm visible. The ICM will eventually become the baby and the trophectoderm will become the placenta.
Day Five Blastocyst Image by Prescott Pym via Flickr
Stages of Embryo Development
Day 0 – Retrieval. Insemination or ICSI occurs 4 to 6 hours after retrieval.
Day 1- Embryo assessed for fertilization. Must have 2 pronuclei present.
Day 2- Cleavage stage. Cell division occurs and embryo has 2 to 4 cells.
Day 3- Embryo has 6 to 8 cells. Embryo could be either biopsied for testing or transferred on this day.
Day 4- Morula stage. Embryo compacts into a small ball of 16 or so cells.
Day 5- Blastocyst stage. Embryo expands and a clear ICM and trophectoderm are visible.
Day 6- Last day an embryo can survive in an incubator. It must be transferred or frozen at this stage.
Step 7- Mama I’m Coming Home
It’s time! Whether you transfer on day three or day five, the time has finally arrived to welcome your embryo or embryos back home where they belong. The transfer is an important part of the IVF process even though it is usually very simple and totally painless. In fact, the procedure typically only takes only about 5 minutes.
Because of this I found it to be a lot like my wedding day. We worked so hard and put so much effort into something that flashed by in the blink of an eye. Still, just like a wedding, it is a very special time which is sure to leave you and your partner beaming and exhausted.
You may make the final decision on how many embryos to transfer and what to do with the remaining embryos immediately prior to transfer. This way you have the most recent embryo development information available to aid in this difficult choice. Your doctor will give you pros and cons but the final decision is up to you. Any remaining embryos can be frozen (cryopreservation) for future transfer.
While the decision on how many to transfer is up to you, there are limits to what some countries and doctors will allow. No sensible doctor would have let Octomom to do what she did. We in the infertility community genuinely despise her doctor for the bad rap he gave IVF and all the explaining we have to do as a result of his ineptitude.
Image by Alanak via Flickr
Once you have determined how many to transfer, the embryologist will load the embryos into a special catheter designed for transfer. The doctor will slowly inject the embryos into your uterus using guided ultrasound. Unlike embryo retrieval and follicle monitoring, this ultrasound will be an abdominal scan in order to avoid potential uterine contractions and to allow a clear path to the sweet spot. This means you will need to have a full bladder for the procedure to allow the doctor to have a clear view of your uterus.
Image by Carbon Arc via Flickr
The full bladder is the bane of the IVF patient’s existence. It is very difficult to know when and how much to drink in order to get the bladder full enough for a successful transfer but not so full that you wish for death in the hour you lie immobile and holding it after transfer. Follow the advice of you doctor, but I have been told 8 ounces 45 minutes to an hour prior to the procedure is more than enough.
The “sweet spot” from our last transfer
Once your RE locates the “sweet spot” he will release the embryos along with a puff of air. The catheter will be given to the embryologist to look under the microscope and ensure that the embryos cleared and ended up in the uterus. You will remain immobile and reclined for 15 minutes to an hour. Some clinics prescribe bed rest for a day or two after transfer while others do not. Recent studies suggest that bed rest can actually decrease success rates, but the jury is still very much out on this one. I personally like the day of bed rest so I don’t have to return immediately to the real world and can luxuriate in my potentially pregnant state. Plus my husband has to take care of me. That’s why I think clinics will be slow to remove the requirement if it is indeed proven to be unnecessary.
The next step is the blood pregnancy test, also called a “beta” which measures the level of HCG in the blood. HCG is produced by the embryo after it implants into the uterus beginning as early as 7 days after retrieval. Timing of the test varies by clinic, but typically falls 14 days after retrieval.
HCG is the same hormone that is usually injected to trigger ovulation. For this reason, many women will start taking home pregnancy tests after trigger to see when the HCG tests “out” of their system. After the HCG is tested out, any positive pregnancy test is likely to be a real pregnancy and not just remaining HCG from trigger. HCG is generally gone after 10 days but I personally don’t mess with taking home pregnancy tests during fresh cycles. There is too much potential for the HCG trigger to mess with my already overly worried mind.
If you are pregnant, a second pregnancy test will be ordered to ensure that HCG levels are rising normally. You will also continue to be monitored by your clinic through blood work and ultrasounds until week 10 or 12 of your pregnancy before you “graduate” to your regular OB or other specialist.
If you are not pregnant, you will schedule a consult with your doctor to review the cycle and discuss next steps. It’s a good idea to bring a list of questions to this appointment to help stay on task with this discussion. If you aren’t pregnant, its important to note that many people do not get knocked up in their first IVF. In the same way that fertile couples don’t always get pregnant the first month they try to conceive, IVF can take some time.
This is a hard pill to swallow given the expense and emotional strain involved. The general rule of thumb is that the majority of couples will get pregnant by the time they complete 3 full IVF cycles. After the third cycle the success rates plateau and it may be time to consider alternatives like donor eggs, donor sperm, gestational carriers, adoption, and living childless. However this is a generalization and your treatment plan and next steps should be determined by you and your spouse with the help of a trustworthy Reproductive Endocrinologist.
Whatever your outcome, I hope this post will help you understand a little more along the way. If you want to have a child you will have one, although it may play out differently than you dreamed.
Whatever you do, don’t give up on your dream until you are sure its the right time for you.
Best of luck to you. Take care of yourself and your relationships on this journey.
We had our Homecoming at New/Old clinic yesterday. Bill and I are both thrilled with the plan we have developed and also the stark difference in bedside manner and genuine caring we received from every individual we interacted with, especially our doctor.
I must confess that it was only six short months ago that I was angry with this clinic. I never stopped loving our doctor or nurses, but our last cycle was tough. We had a difficult transfer, lost 4 embryos total in the freeze/thaw process, and ultimately had a miscarriage. It was time for us to try something different and we did, even though I had a nagging feeling that I shouldn’t leave a team of nurses and doctors who understood me, my body and my history so well.
Over the years I have gone back and forth on the importance of beside manner. Does it matter? Do I care whether my doctor is nice to me, or for that matter even takes a moment to speak to me, as long as he gets the job done?
As it turns out, yes. It does matter to me. I want a doctor who listens to me, who has obvious passion for our joint objective, and who appreciates the power he has to eliminate stress in one aspect of this intense process.
I have that in New/Old clinic and it was clear yesterday.
First, rather than spending only 4 minutes with my doctor, we spent more like 40. Surprisingly, he put his ego completely aside and reviewed with me every aspect of my cycle with Celebrity Miracle Clinic. We discussed what we liked and didn’t like and adjusted our plan accordingly. There were a few things he said “no” to putting in the plan, but when he did he justified it with studies and science.
One example of this is intramuscular injectable progesterone. He agreed to let me do less painful suppositories, but only after I am pregnant. Studies show an ever so slight but still meaningful increase in pregnancy rates with injectable progesterone because suppositories can cause cramping and the implantation threatening uterine contractions that come a long with it.
We were most pleased with how much we accomplished yesterday and how flexible the clinic was in making it happen. Our appointment was only for a consultation, but when I told our doctor that I had a cyst since February that hadn’t budged despite being suppressed the whole time, he immediately squeezed us in for an ultrasound. When we saw that the little booger was too big to ignore, we weighed the options and decided to drain it in a painful but quick procedure. They made this happen even though is wasn’t “in the schedule” and it was late enough in the day we would likely be keeping the entire office there well past closing time.
To prepare me I was given a high powered antibiotic and 800 mg of ibuprofen. Because both could upset my stomach I was given crackers and juice. When I told the nurse I was gluten-free, she was clearly ready to check with the entire staff to see if there was anything they had in their personal stashes that I could eat. I told her that I thought it was a good excuse to break the diet and that it had been months since I had Cheez-its so not to worry.
When she left the room my husband turned to me and said “She is going to go ask everyone here if they have anything you can eat. The other clinic would have sent us to their kiosk down the corridor from their big beautiful waterfall and wouldn’t have given a damn.”
While I am not sure that is true, the point is we feel like this clinic really cares about us. Our doctor cracks us up because after decades in the business he still is obviously super geeked about advances in ART technologies. He doesn’t talk down to us and also recognizes the value of our opinion. But most of all, we are so impressed that the clinic recognized how far away we were from home and did what was necessary to remove the cyst rather than having us come back, or worse, waiting another month or two to see if the cyst went away on its own.
That just couldn’t have happened at Celebrity Miracle Clinic because access to the doctor is too limited and the clinic is too big to be that nimble.
So as you can tell we are pleased with our decision. While it may have taken more green to prove it, the grass is not always greener on the other side. And even more importantly, we are excited about our plan and even a bit surprised by some of the changes we made. Here it is in short form. As we progress through it I will pick it apart and explain the “why” behind some of what we are doing in more detail.
1) Stop birth control on April 16th and start maximum dosage of stimulation meds on April 18th. I love that we aren’t wasting any time and that we are beginning with the highest dosage to enlist as many of my resting follicles as possible. I will take 150iu of Menopur in the morning and 300iu of Gonal-F at night to stimulate growth of the egg yielding follicles in my ovaries.
2) Begin taking Omnitrope, a name brand of growth hormone, when I begin stimulation medications. I will inject 24iu a day during the entire time I am stimming. Studies show that this can improve egg quality in older women. It is theorized that because naturally produced growth hormone decreases as you age its decline may cause quality issues. Sample sizes are small for these studies but results are promising.
3) Use Cytotec to soften the cervix due to my difficult anatomy 7-10 days prior to transfer. The doctor also scheduled the transfer at a time that he was sure to be the one to do it since he knows our history with difficult transfer. We will also check my bladder level prior to going back for the procedure since it has been a problem for us in the past.
4) Inject HCG into the uterus the day prior to transfer to increase implantation rate. Studies have shown that growth factor injected into the uterus prior to transfer increases implantation rates.
5) Use time lapse photography to take snapshots every 8 seconds of the first two days the embryos are developing to rule out embryos that are not developing properly and are likely aneuploid (abnormal number of chromosomes). While this is not as accurate as genetic testing, it works to accomplish the same outcome while not damaging the embryos.
6) Assess on day two of embryo growth whether we freeze all the embryos or proceed with a fresh transfer on day three. This was a surprise. I thought we had ruled out a fresh transfer but both my doctor and my husband want to proceed with a fresh transfer if we have a number of good embryos. We will prepare my body for a fresh transfer and make a game time decision. I am as nervous about this as I am excited because it means I may be pregnant the first part of May, the same month I conceived Spork.
I feel like with this plan we are doing as much as we can to give this cycle the best chance of success possible.
We spent the entire afternoon building this plan and removing the cyst which could have been a taxing and exhausting experience. But it wasn’t. If anything it was invigorating. We accomplished so much in one afternoon, removing all obstacles and setting up our plan of attack. It wasn’t taxing at all because we weren’t in some sterile, cold, and beautiful mecca of fertility where our doctor was kept safely behind a curtain.
I spent the majority of the day worried that my treasured iTunes library with all its organized playlists had disappeared forever. I spent two hours with Apple support and an equal amount of time beforehand in chat rooms and reading troubleshooting links trying to avoid Apple support.
Of course I backup my Mac regularly like any responsible person who stores thousands of songs and family photos on her computer should so it shouldn’t have been a problem, right?
Yeah right.
I diligently backup like every 8 months or so.
I wasted the evening away desperately searching for a way to not have to go back to July of 2013 to replace the playlists. Early on in the process I was able to recover the music, but not the playlists. There was a point where I nearly gave up and accepted that it was enough to have all my music even if it wasn’t organized neatly in a slew of lists that together represent a chronological and musical expression of my entire being since I became an Apple user.
These playlists mark so many phases of my life. As a runner, I have playlists for certain distances that I run. For a short time today, the playlist that kept me company for nearly (but not quite!) four hours during my first marathon was lost. And there was so much more, like the first lullaby list I made Spork and countless playlists I have created as gifts for special people at special times. And let’s not forget my myriad fertility playlists with meditations and music put together in collections designed for specific stages of the IVF process.
All were gone for this short but panicked period of time.
I have mentioned before that I am Type A. This is why I have playlists that are the perfect length with just the right BPM to cover 5, 7, or 10 mile training runs. This is why I have multiple fertility playlists. This is why I spent the better part of the evening turning over every cyber rock I could find to determine how to get these playlists restored without losing a single song. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. I won.
I usually do.
In the fertility world, this type of behavior makes me a cliche. I am about to embark on my fifth IVF because I waited too damn long to start trying to get pregnant. I had a world to conquer, a career to develop, and a Master’s degree to complete before I could even fathom making babies. When I finally got serious at 34, we discovered that baby making was going to require more effort than all of these things combined.
So its no surprise that like a lot of women I try to exert as much control over the process as humanly possible. I do this despite knowing that IVF is a process that you simply cannot control. I have written before on the importance of acceptance and I believe fully in the mental benefit of being at peace with the fact that there is very little you can do to control or change infertility.
I fall short, however of relinquishing all control. There are certain things you can influence in IVF and as with other things in life I choose to live by the rules of the Serenity Prayer, letting go of those things I can’t control and controlling what I can.
There is so much with infertility that we have no ability to impact. Ultimately I cannot control whether we will have another baby or not. But I think its necessary to recognize that you can influence certain aspects and do your best in the process. There are things you can control. Many things.
I can make sure I take my shots on time and schedule my meds to arrive when I need them. I can control how I manage stress. I can control my weight. I can control my nutrition and exercise regimen. I can control my quality of care by being an educated patient who asks questions and advocates for myself.
You get the idea.
This is why we are taking an ungodly number of supplements. Its one tiny little thing that we can do to improve our odds of success.
Each and every single one has some added benefit that in one study or another led to increased success rates. Every item on the list has been vetted by one of the best clinics in the country and they believe it could have a positive impact.
So why not take them?
I do, however, think its a good idea to keep our ability to directly influence the outcome in perspective. My eggs have been with me since birth and we are having trouble because they are getting old and sticky, no longer dividing cleanly and quickly. All the Coq10 in the world is not going to reverse the impacts of aging.
However we have noticed a difference in our lab tests and our actual cycles since starting this regimen last year. My resting follicle count increased and our embryo production improved by 26% (22 resting follicles produced an additional three embryos). Bill’s count and motility were always good, but his morphology improved from the very low end of the range to the high end of the normal range in the last two specimens since starting the supplements.
So yes, the crazy number of supplements are probably an exercise in exerting control over infertility. But I don’t think that’s bad nor do I feel its futile. If it creates that one super healthy sperm that unites with that one magical and nutritionally nurtured egg to make a perfect little baby it will have been worth it.
I can’t change who I am any more than I can change the fact that we are infertile. It’s in my nature to try to control and influence. My DNA doesn’t allow me to give up without a fight. But I have at least learned to not allow the ability to control give me the false sense of responsibility when a cycle fails. That is the risk you run with trying to control infertility. If you accept that you can make a difference, then it is all too easy to make the mental leap that you are to blame when things don’t go well.
You cannot blame yourself when things go badly. What you did still may have had a positive impact, it doesn’t mean you did something wrong any more than it means you should stop trying to make a difference. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, pop a few more supplements, be compassionate with yourself and proceed to Plan B.
This quick post is for those of you out there who struggle with egg quality or are low responders to stimulation meds. Here is the list of supplements I take daily. The list is from Celebrity Miracle Clinic and is especially designed for low responders. The acai supplement is based on a study the clinic is doing to ascertain the impact on egg quality in humans after promising animal studies. I was about to enroll in the study when I switched clinics.
Remember- consult your doctor! I am not a medical expert.
Please feel free to share other supplements or practices that you have found to improve quality and/or response as a reply to this post.
Morning
Myo Inostol 2gm
Co Enzyme q10 400mg
Omega-3 fatty acid 1000mg
Vitamin C 500mg
Vitamin E 200IU
L-arginine 1000mg
Pycnogenol 100mg
Acai Berry Veggie Cap 600mg
Prenatal
Vitamin D 2000 mg (under the advice of my Primary Care Physician)
Afternoon
Acai Berry Veggie Cap 600mg
Bedtime
Myo Inostol 2gm
Melatonin 3mg (women with thyroid issues should not take melatonin)